A friend asked me an ordinary but ultimately important question the other day. I was in Robin Hood’s Bay for a short break and shared a beautiful photo of the bay on Facebook. My friend asked ‘does it inspire you?’ My immediate response was ‘creatively, no. But it inspires me in other ways’. I thought about it over the course of the day and then came back to add ‘actually creatively yes, but not as in I want to paint it!’ I realised - peace, air, sound, texture, colour, smell - all of that inspires me, all of that’s bound up with creativity. It may not translate directly into art, but it’s still an important part of the picture. Thrilllingly for me, turns out there was more to it than that!
The tide was in when I arrived late afternoon, but by the time I’d got myself sorted and had a cup of tea it had receded enough to be able to walk on the beach. I took my shoes off and as I was walking I was acutely aware of the sensations that my feet were feeling. I felt a surge of emotion which I’m not sure I could name. Gratitude? Relief? If I was the kind of person for whom tears came easily, there would’ve been some.
The gritty sharpness of stones, the soft warmth of sand, the shock of cold water around my calves, the slippery ooze of seaweed, the hard push of the sand ripples freshly wrought by the receding tide. I couldn’t get enough of it. Later, sitting gazing across the bay - peaceful, serene, calm - beautiful as it was, I wanted something more from it. I wanted crashing waves and thunder! Something to invigorate me and make me feel alive on another level.
On the way home, waiting for my train, I met a friend for coffee in Scarborough. I said to him that I’d kinda been hoping for some big revelation about myself or my work, having that time and space away from everyday life - but nah, nothing doing. Maybe four days just wasn’t long enough. But today, having been back a day and reflecting on what’s stayed with me from that time away, what made the most impact, I see that actually something did happen. A circle was completed, sense was made. The realisation that I’m someone who has a high degree of sensory craving - not a thrill seeker, though, nor an adrenaline junkie - has shifted something in me. I’ve bumped up against this awareness in the past, but it wasn’t clear to me what exactly it was and it slipped out of sight again.
Full of holiday induced vigour I got cracking on some paintings on paper first thing this morning. The word sensation was loud in my mind as I worked. And the way I was painting was different to how it’s been lately. Loose, raw…exciting. It’s the first time in months I’ve felt that….visceral excitement while I’ve been painting and I’ve missed it. It’s made me really miserable. I thought I’d never feel it again. I knew intellectually what was missing but I couldn’t access it somehow. But walking on that beach and being so affected by the sensory experience broke some kind of deadlock in me. There’s a phrase that’s been banging around in my mind for a while - ‘get out of your head and into your body’. Totally understand why now. Sometimes your subconscious knows what needs to change before your conscious self does. So I’m just kinda processing this new ‘information’ and feeling excited to see where it will lead me and my painting.
Oh and, guess what I noticed recently? The heads on the figures in my paintings are becoming smaller! How about that!